Fun With Press Releases: Because sometimes, the beauty industry just goofs.
Really, I should just post this and not write one word about The Wonder that is this press release. This canvas doesn’t need any more paint. It feels sacrilegious. We should just read and silently bask in the perfection of it all.
So here (and, you’re welcome):
Sent: Wed, April 21, 2010 3:29:32 PM
Subject: Story Idea: Rankled By Cankles
The newest body part worth stressing over is the ankles…well, “cankles” to be exact.
Cankle – a word derived from the combination of ‘calf’ and ‘ankle’ – occurs when the calf merges with an obese or swollen ankle, and is claimed to be the “thunder thigh” of the new millennium. Many women struggle with excess leg and ankle fat and no amount of diet or exercise make a real difference. The popularity of gladiator-style sandals and cropped leggings this summer has only added to the nationwide cankle anxiety.
For those who have had enough of the emotional distress, there is a now a new treatment called XXXXX, a novel laser assisted lipolysis technology that shapes and contours the body, including the lower leg and ankle area.
XXXX uses ultrasound technology, which is has the ability to differentiate between fat cells and important tissue. The breakthrough science means more precise contouring and a gentler effect on surrounding skin tissue, which results in faster recovery time, less risk of patient complications and the appearance of tighter and smoother looking skin. Check out XXXXX for more information.
We have partnered with several top physicians in the area and would love to work with you to showcase the treatment – and we can bring the equipment and expert (and patient) to you!
If you would like any additional information or to contact a physician, please email me or call XXX.XXX.XXXX.
Okay, I know, I know, but I just can’t help myself!
Top three reasons why I love this press release:
1. The quasi-scientific explanation of the word cankle. “It’s claimed” to be the thunder thigh of the new millennium. By, we can only presume, scholars and men of record the world over.
2. The reference to gladiator sandals that makes me want to party like it’s still 2008.
3. NATIONWIDE CANKLE ANXIETY.
Now. Back to the silent* shock and awe.
*That’s just how I appreciate fine art. You should feel free to rail away.