[Guest Post] Emily Does Not Strike Him As Someone Who Is Curvy

Y’all. So excited to have this post here on Beauty Schooled today because A) it  is going to make you go all WTF?! on this business. And B) Emily — who I have befriended via blogging and Twitter (OMGthisiswhyIlovebloggingandtwitter!) — is super beyond great.

As evidenced by this photo:

RosieSays YES.

Which gives away that she is indeed Emily of Rosie Says fame and also, Emily notes, serves as a fantastic litmus test when online dating because it tends to weed out all the guys who assume she is dressed like a car mechanic for no apparent reason. Except for this one genius who somehow slipped through the cracks.

Here’s Emily.

I’m online dating (pause for commiserative laughter) and last week, I received a lovely note from a potential suitor. He addressed things we had in common, complimented various portions of my profile, and concluded with this:

Anyways, you do not strike me as someone who is curvy…would be nice to chat soon.

Wait…what? You were doing so well! Let me get this straight, based on a written profile, I do not “strike” this guy as “someone who is curvy.” Hmm… let’s investigate:

One possibility is that mystery gentleman X meant that my profile pictures do not convey “curviness.” I carefully selected pictures that are current and accurate and include more than my face… so that’s probably not it. Plus, he could have said, “your pictures don’t make you look curvy” and didn’t.

Another possibility is that we disagree on the definition of “curvy.” When I hit the dreaded “Body Type” box on the profile form, I took a deep breath and reviewed my options. According to OkCupid, these are:

Rather Not Say
A little extra
Full Figured
Used Up

I’m 5’6″. I weigh 170-175lbs (Thanks Virginia for encouraging sharing!) I wear a size 12 (give or take). I run 5Ks. I can do push-ups. I practice yoga three times a week. About 60 percent of the time, I don’t need the wall for my headstands. I narrowed the list to “types” I think that a reasonable person would find accurate: Overweight, Average, Fit, Athletic, A little extra, Curvy, Full Figured. Depending on your criteria, to a certain extent they are all true.

“Curvy” seemed like the best bet: both accurate and representative of my most body positive moments. It’s possible that mystery gentleman X disagreed with my selection, and thinks that I have miscategorized myself.

Or, and this is the possibility that freaks me out the most, my admirer finds some sort of disconnect between appealing parts of my profile and the moniker “curvy.” In other words, “someone who is curvy” is categorically not someone he would be want to pursue. He sees things he likes, therefore I must be lying about my body type. What is it about my profile that he found impossible to reconcile with “curvy?” Is it my intelligence or (admittedly cheesy) wit? Is it because he found my face pretty? Is it because I say that I exercise? Is it because I am smiling, looking happy and confident in my pictures?

Bottom line: My interest in him is long since out the window, but dude-face is going to have to overcome his issue with labels.  Whatever it was that attracted him to my profile, I guarantee that there are other women who have it and call themselves curvy. Is it that hard to believe?

Emily is a New Englander in love with Chicago, where she works at a tech start-up. She blogs about gender, sex, politics, media and body image every day at Rosie Says. She’s also a weekly contributor in the Sex and Relationships section of The Good Men Project. Follow her @rosiesaysblog!




Filed under Guest Post

10 responses to “[Guest Post] Emily Does Not Strike Him As Someone Who Is Curvy

  1. Pingback: Dreams DO Come True | rosiesaysblog

  2. I don’t mean for this to sound snarky, because I can definitely understand your immediate “WTF is wrong with this guy?!” reaction. But if you’re wondering what he means by that comment, to the point of writing a blog post about it… why not just ask him? I for one would be curious to hear what he says.

  3. Wow… I had not thought of that, lol. That’s a great idea! I think I will!

  4. Ha. I have the same set of OKC descriptors that apply to my body. I like to switch to a different one every time I log in (which was more often when I was actively seeking new partners) and observe the differing reactions.

    My favorite is the difference between “fit” and “athletic.” Generally, an “athletic” body label has yielded me pretty positive responses. Folks tend to accept that, body size notwithstanding, and to then proceed to ask me about the types of athletic activities in which I engage. But with “fit” — which I tend to think speaks to the same aspect of “I engage in physical activity with my body on a somewhat regular basis” — has led to more messages/IMs/etc. from people objecting to me + a “fit” label.

    • Wow,Tori. People actually write to you tell you that you aren’t “fit?” That is absurd. People need to find themselves some lives….

      • Occasionally, yes. One can search for matches based on body type. A few users have apparently been deeply offended that I’ve wasted their time by describing my body using a term with which they disagree. Because, you know, it takes so. long. to scroll through a profile. 😉

  5. Leslie

    Oh man. This reminds me of a story…

    I met a seemingly cute and nice guy on a dating site, we’d exchanged emails and several phone calls and it seemed like we were headed towards a date. I received an unexpected call from him one evening, and he began asking me if there was anything I wanted to tell him. I didn’t think there was, so the conversation continued on a bit, me baffled, his frustration increasing. Finally I lost my patience and just demanded to know what he was talking about.

    He said he’d found other photos of me online that proved that I was “curvy” and not “athletic” as I’d put in my profile. He said he didn’t mind but he didn’t like people who weren’t honest, so if I wanted to be honest with him, we could continue forward. After some stunned silence at the astounding level of jackassery, I told him I’d consider it. I sat right down and wrote him an email thanking him so much for showing me just what a jerk he was right off the bat, thereby saving me precious time and gas money, and to not worry about contacting me again. For the record, the photos he’d found were from a year prior, and the photos on my profile were taken a month prior to our contact. Not that it matters. I dodged a bullet on that one.

  6. Pingback: [Never Say Diet] Roadside Beauty Redefined. | Beauty Schooled

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