My 600-hour adventure learning to apply makeup, excavate pores, and wax, well, see below. (Learn more about the project and catch up with Orientation and the rest of Week 1.)
Vanity Fair writer Christopher Hitchens gets a Brazilian, describes it as “like being tortured for information you do not possess.” (No, neither of those women are Miss Jenny.)
Whenever Miss Jenny is particularly pleased with the way your makeup is turning out, she says “ooh” and does a little twirl, pirouette-ing you in the revolving salon chair so the whole class can see your flirty lashes or nicely contoured cheek. This is because Miss Jenny loves her work — after nearly 20 years in an office job, she went to esthetics school when she was in her mid-30s and has never looked back, even when waking up at 6 AM on a Sunday to make up a bride for a morning wedding.
Here are some other things you need to know about Miss Jenny:
1. She does not allow profanity or gum chewing in her classroom. “We will all speak like the nice respectable ladies that we are.”
2. She speaks to the Lord every day before she begins work.
3. She tell us, proudly and right off the bat, “I am the Brazilian Queen.”
We’re months off from the waxing unit, but Miss Jenny lets us know now that a few weeks before we get there, everyone will have to start growing out all of our body hair so we can practice on each other. “And I do mean all of it!”
Technically, the Brazilian Wax is considered a Continuing Education topic — the state board exam only requires you to know eyebrow, lip, and arm waxing. (And you perform those services with honey, not actual wax, during the test.) But Miss Jenny is committed to giving us the most comprehensive and well-rounded education that she can. “I started teaching because I love what I do so much and I wanted to share that love,” she says.
I bring this up because Brazilians have been the talk of the blogosphere this week, thanks to Suzi Godson’s column in the British Times Online, where she tells one hairy reader that “like keeping one’s armpits and legs smooth, [a Brazilian wax] is now expected. If your boyfriend has been conditioned to expect a tidy Brazilian, he may genuinely find anything else very off-putting.” It’s all thanks to the porn industry, says Suzi, in her best boys-will-be-boys sigh.
“Wax for your poor, porn-addled boyfriend” may be the new “lie back and think of England,” but some of us aren’t convinced. “Huge sisterhood fail, ladies,” says Allure‘s Kate Sullivan.* Yes, indeed, and thank you. Salon’s Broadsheet has some good points too.
I have to spend 24 of my 600 hours on “superfluous hair” and will be asked to perform 10 bikini waxes before I graduate, so this is but the beginning of the waxing conversation here on Beauty Schooled. And at the moment I have to go sandblast off the ten pounds of foundation involved in tonight’s Daytime Face practice run. But let’s get the party started — where do you fall on the bush-to-Brazilian spectrum?
“Enjoy your hairless selves now, ladies,” says Miss Jenny as we pack up at the end of the night. It would not be overstating it to describe her ensuing giggle as devilish. “We’re going to get to know each other very well before you leave Beauty U.”
*Yep, that Allure, the monster beauty bible magazine. Remember that the next time you rant about women’s mags, what with their celebrity airbrushing and fad diets. (And by “you,” I mean “me.”)